I love the kid world in SL. I’ve been apart of it since January 2007 in some way, shape, or form. I started out by running an adoption agency (which climbed up to one of the more popular ones), and then started adopting kids. Danni Ohara is my daughter who has been with me the longest (about 2ish years). My family has grown, shrunk, and now is grown to the biggest it’s been. I love them all to death and could rant and rave about them all day. I also have a kid avie and had a family there too.

I have run into a few bad apples- both kids and parents. This guide is for those who are thinking about being an SL parent or an SL kid, or maybe those who are in the system but would like tips on different situations. First, I’ll discuss the parent aspect, and at the end the kid side to this long story. Hopefully by the end of it you’ll have learned something and can come join our fun and whacky pg world!

I should say before I start this is not a guide as to *why* people chose this life, *why* people want to play kids- that is a topic for a whole different post!

For the Parents:

Before Adopting:

Before you decide to adopt you should really think of these following questions:

1. Why do I want to be an SL parent?  This is probably the most important question you could ask yourself. Is it because you just got married and want to have the perfect family? Do you want to make a special bond with someone? Whatever the reason is- make sure you are comitted to this. These kids *are* real people- they have real feelings, and they will get hurt if something happens.

2. How much time am I willing to spend with my new child? This is also important. Remember that kid avies aren’t allowed in most clubs and they are going to want to spend time with you. I suggest dedicating 25-50% (if not more) of your SL time to your kids. This can get hard and most kids will understand if you get busy (in both RL and if you have an SL career). At least make sure you message them everyday and what not. Lots of SL kids also have careers and what not in both RL and SL and that will affect things as well. Just know you are going to want to figure out how much time you are able to dedicate.

3. I am partnered, what will happen if we break up? Heaven forbid you do breakup (though seriously, 90% of SL relationships end up failing) have a plan on what happens to the kids if you do end up getting a divorce and what not. This is how I handle this sticky situation: If both mom and dad want to keep the kids- sit down and let them know that you will love them and be there for them no matter what, even if that means they want you to be their godparents or aunt/uncle. This is *key*. These kids *are* adults in RL- allow them to decide what they want to do in their own time. Do *not* drag them into the divorce- it’s emotional and hard but it’s very immature to do this. If they decide they want you *both* to still be their parents, let them flip flop. Love them no matter what happens. Do not abandon them. This is one of the biggest problems I’ve seen and it’s very easy to deal with.

4. I am single, what will happen if I partner? This is another issue I’ve seen alot. If you love your kids- make sure your new man or woman loves them just as much. Do not disappear from the kids lives when you find this new person. Talk to them and let them know you want alone time with your new person and that you will devote special time to them. Schedule this time and stick to it- also, keep messaging each other. Again, this is along the lines of these kids are real people too and not babydolls that talk.

5. What do I need before adopting? Have a bedroom picked out for your child and have a spare bedroom set for kids on hand. Do not get a super expensive one- get a gender-neutral bedroom set that is mod/copy/no trans. This will work during your trial period (which I’ll be talking about next) and make your new child feel at home!

6. Be patient. The perfect kid won’t come right away. Talk with lots of kids, explore interests, and be picky. See who you “click” with. Don’t worry- you’ll find someone!

Adoption happens!:

Congratulations! So you bring your new child home and now what? Here are a few tips on how to settle in nicely.

1. Have a trial of 1-2 weeks. This is sooo unbelievably important. This is the time when you get to know your new child and they get to know you. Go about this week as you normally would in SL other than that extra time you set aside for your new child. Talk lots, go exploring, figure out what kind of music each of you like, play, all that fun stuff!

2. Do *not* buy anything for them during the trial. This has to be my #1 rule and suggestion I could tell you. Not all kids are innocent- some *are* out there for money (I’ve had a few in the past). If you have an extended family- let them all know that there will be no buying of gifts for 1-2 weeks. Put out the bedroom set that you already have. If you really want to get them something- keep it under 300Ls and have it be a small welcoming gift like a necklace or a teddy bear. If the kids are serious about being kids they will accept this rule, if they tell you they aren’t there for money, do not stop this rule until the trial is over and you make your final decision. Kids that are out for money usually grab it in the first few days and run. This is usually devastating to the entire family and only having this rule will prevent it. If you decide to stay as a family after the 1-2 week trial, bring them out to buy a bedroom set they like and what not and have fun.

3. Remember: they are adults and can get $Ls themselves. Ok, it’s another money rant. I don’t give my kids an allowance because I keep in mind they are adults on the other end of the computer. Why do I do this? Because they know that I am not here to pay for everything. There are many jobs in SL kids can do (such as making a building shop, work at a kids club) or they can upload Ls themselves. You should want to be a family for the experience, not for the money. If you have the $Ls to spare and want to, go ahead and give them one. Just take one long pause and think of how you would feel if they left. If you would be too mad about all the $Ls you gave them if they left, don’t give them an allowance.

4. If you buy them anything, and give it to them, do *not* expect it back. This sounds obvious right? You would be surprised. Anything you give your new child is a *gift*, one that you should not expect back. If the child leaves for one reason or another- do not demand things back. This is totally immature. Think of it this way: If you and your friend from HS become distant and stop talking- would you call and demand that they give back everything you ever bought them? Probably not. Don’t do it here. If you want to give them a bedroom, but can’t bare to part with it if they leave, don’t give it to them. They will understand if you want to keep it yourself. If you give them clothes and jewlery though- don’t ask for it back. You gave it to them and just move on. It’s really hard, but it only causes even more pain.

5. Support them through everything.  Usually people play kids because they are lacking something in RL (or they just want to stay pg), so give them the attention they need. Be there for them if they need a shoulder to cry on, tell them how proud you are of them if they decide they want to learn how to build. Your child comes first- just like in RL- and pay attention to what they need. Counering that, they will understand if you are having problems in RL and will probably be there for you as well if you need it.

6. Don’t put up with bullshit. This sounds like it is the opposite of 5, but it’s not. Most kids in SL are well mannered, love you, and want to be by you. They aren’t rude and don’t cause drama. If you find out your child is a drama llama- tell them to stop. You became a parent to relax, have fun, and create a positive atmosphere- not to bring more drama into your life. There is a difference between having a hard time with something and need support and causing unnecessary drama. Trust me, you will know it when you see it. (That is, if you haven’t seen it in SL, and if you haven’t experienced drama in SL I have to wonder what rock you’re hiding under and join you.)

7. Be best friends. This is why I am still a mom in SL- my children have become my best friends and mean as much to me as my real life family. You would be amazed how strong a bond you can create with your new child. Have fun, lean on each other when you need it, and become inseperable. It really is one of the most fulfilling things you can do.

Last notes: 

1. RL does happen, and if for any reason it does and you have to leave SL, let your child know as soon as possible. Either they will stay by you or ask you permission to find a new family. Allow them to decide what they want to do and be there for them no matter what. 

2. Remember they are RL adults. Allow them to do what they want to do and when they want to do it. Have a few simple rules, such as no mature areas and what not, maybe no boyfriends/girlfriends. Decide as  you go. On the one hand you want to treat them like a kid and you should, but just keep it in your head they are an adult and can make the right choices.

3. If they have an adult alt- don’t stress. This is actually normal, sometimes they want to attend classes or something that don’t allow kid avies. Some kids have multiple kid avies- if they do and you are uncomfortable, let them know. There is nothing wrong in telling them that.

For the Kids:

Before Being Adopted:

1. Ask why do I want to be a kid? This is very important. If you want to remain PG at all times and avoid mature things (like strip clubs, dating) that’s a good thing. Most kids are kids for that reason. If it’s because you need more attention than most, that’s normal too. However, know that sometimes RL will come up and parents won’t be there as much as you’d like them and keep that in mind. If your reason is money- don’t. Noone will keep a money grabber. It is NOT the easy way out to getting Ls.

2. Experiment with being a kid. Don’t immediately go out to the adoption agency to get parents. Try going to a few kid places, make some friends, and make sure this kid thing is really for you.

3. Be patient. If you don’t get adopted right away, that’s okay. Hang around the adoption agency and meet parents. Don’t beg, show the potential parents your awesome personality. Talk with them, learn their interests, see if you “click”. You’ll find the right parents if you do just the right amount of looking.

Adoption Happens!

Congrats and welcome to your new home! Here are a few tips for making settling in all comfy.

1. Go through a normal trial period. 1Let them know you want to spend lots of time with them for 1-2 weeks before deciding anything final. Let them know that you are not expecting any gifts or anything and this is just to test how personalities will mesh.

2. Don’t be surprised if there are no gifts. If you read the top part- I advise parents not to spend any money the first 1-2 weeks for the trial. Respect this. Show them who you really are and that you are here for the relationship- not the money.

3. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. The only way you  will know if things will turn out is if you be yourself. Don’t be shy and talk, tell them how you feel. Let them support you. Let them into *your* SL and show them what you like to do.

4. If you feel like you’re being ignored- speak up. Do not let it go if they go a couple  days without even iming you. You are there to spend time with them- make them pay attention to you and hang out. If they decide they are “bored” of you- just leave and start the process over. It honestly isn’t worth staying around for people like that.

5. Respect when RL comes up. If your parents get a new RL job or soemething and can only spend limited time online for a week or two- respect that. A family sticks together through thick and thing, and once things calm down everything will go back to normal.

6. If your parents break up- don’t allow them to make you choose.  This isn’t fair on so many other levels. If they are adament about putting you in the middle- let them know you are not interested, and will not choose. Leave the situation, and start over. It sucks but if they cared, they wouldn’t put you through that drama. If you want to still be connected with them ask if it’s okay if they will be your godparents or aunt and uncle. Hopefully, they will agree.

7. If your RL comes up- talk about it. Let them know you will need a break but plan on coming back as their kid. Check in once and a while (if possible) and say hi. 

8. Be honest. If you have alts, let them know ASAP.  There is nothing wrong with having alts, but your parents deserve to know about them. Talk to them about it and make sure they really accept you for who you are.

9. If you’re having issues, are sad- let them know. Your parents are here to be your shoulder to cry on, to be your backbone, your support. If you are having troubles and need to talk- talk to them. They will support you through whatever rough time you are having.

Conclusion:

I think that’s all I have to say. Just be open and honest with each other. If you have any questions/comments or need help with any family issues- don’t be afraid to IM me in world (Alexandra Daikon). 9 times out of 10 I will be more than willing to help.

The kid world isn’t for everyone. It requires patience, understanding, and honesty. Remember that before creating your new family. Everyone you meet *is* a real person behind the screen with real emotions and feelings.

I wish you all the best of luck Remember to love each other and give hyoooooge huggies every day! Your family really will become the best of friends!